Tenho Saudades

February 23 to May 23. Three months have passed since my first day in Brasil, and I haven’t nearly come closer to blending in, speaking Portuguese fluently, or being very confident with navigating all cultural situations, but I sure have come a long way.

Tenho saudades- a phrase I heard as one set of Fulbrighters were leaving Brasil, and I was preparing to go. I had no idea what it meant, but now it’s a phrase that hits home everyday (pun intended). I long for and I miss so many things from home, and I mean other than the obvious choices of my family, friends, and pets. There are some things in Brasil that I never realized I would encounter living without, and others I didn’t mentally prepare for.

Indoor heating- Before coming to Brasil, I of course checked the average weather for my city throughout the months that I would be in Londrina. I was ecstatic to see that the low for their winter is about 55 degrees Fahrenheit. Fall is my favorite season, so seeing that the fall, winter, and spring months would all be temperate made me very happy. UNTIL, the colder days of fall hit. Suddenly, the temperature shifted- all in one weekend. It feels like there are three or four months in one day. The mornings drop to about 48 degrees Fahrenheit, and require some sort of jacket, and drop again to this temperature at night, but rise to 75 or 80 degrees Fahrenheit throughout some days. Other days, it will stay chilly at 65 or 70 degrees Fahrenheit. The thing is- it’s always cold. There is no way to escape the chilly temperature by going into a building, because the buildings don’t have heat and they’re just as cold. I regret not bringing more sweatshirts or a pair of sweatpants.

Air conditioning- Normally, I’m the type of girl who likes to spoil herself with this, when I can. Whenever I have the opportunity to use AC, I take it. My first few weeks in Londrina were awful at night, and I caved in to buy a fan just so that I could sleep through the night. The 80 reais were worth the comfort of not being perpetually sticky in my room.

Having a car- It’s very easy to fall into a lul of comfort of having a car to easily get around town. Need to go grocery shopping? That’s easy to go across town and then pack the grocery bags into your trunk. Need to get to the university campus on a time schedule? You can leave whenever you need to. This privilege is something I forgot was just that- a privilege. Learning to navigate and take the public transportation has been a challenge. Buses may run late, or not pass through certain places on weekends. You always need small bills, and anything over 5 reais will be followed with an eye roll or sigh from the bus driver.

A dryer- I’m lucky enough that my apartment has a washer, just to begin with that plus side, but I’ve started to get used to hanging everything and waiting the day for it to dry. The nice feeling of burying myself under a pile of warm laundry isn’t an option, and some days it can be so frustrating to have to wait for the clothes to dry, especially as the temperature outside and inside the house decreases.

Being able to communicate easily in hard situations- Although I have not cried in a public place since my first month here, like when I broke down in the Vivo phone store, I have had difficult situations since then when I wanted to shut down and turn off. Only having mastered a few verbs in present and past tense makes it very hard to follow conversations and communicate effectively. When I’m asking for directions, get asked something by a store clerk, or am confronted by tasks when I need to immediately and quickly follow a conversations an answer then I stress out. I never realized how a small task could turn into a challenge with this one small change.

Although I do miss a lot of things, I keep reminding myself that today does mark ⅓ of the completion of my Fulbright experience and I tell myself that I need to cherish things rather than focusing on what I miss. 3 months out of 9 completed and I still have so many goals to accomplish, things to see, and lessons to teach.