I could have chosen to settle down. I could have accepted one of the teaching positions I was offered, and I would have just finished my first year teaching a middle school English class. So many thoughts went through my head when the county English supervisor offered me the contract right at her surprise observation of my class that I student taught. I weighed so many pros and cons after I received my phone call from another county’s English supervisor within twenty-four hours of my interview telling me that I was likely to be offered the job, and promptly received the contract the following day. I had to ask myself- am I ready to settle down yet?
Growing up, I thought that the ideal scenario would include me finding my prince charming at high school and being the stereotypical high school sweethearts, completing a college degree to become a teacher, being proposed to by the end of college, finishing my first year of teaching, getting married, buying a house in a wonderful neighborhood, and starting a family. I thought that I needed this. I thought that I wanted this, and I did until this past year. Now I can’t imagine this reality, which largely is in part due to the fact that most of this timeframe has come and gone and my life has veered so far from this path.
At twenty-three years old I am wandering. Not lost, but still finding my way. I completed my undergraduate bachelor's degree in English with a concentration of Secondary Education and a minor in Art in the Thomas Bellavance Honors College at Salisbury University, which gave me the opportunity to pick the fork in the road. Settling or wandering. I chose Fulbright- I chose Brasil. And although every minute of being here is worth it (value a pena), I still look back and wonder what things would be like if I was still stateside.
Living abroad for nine months in a way puts your life on hold. Before you leave, especially the last few months beforehand, it’s hard to begin anything when you know that soon enough you will be leaving. It feels almost as though you are closed the chapter of a book. Not ending the story, but moving on to a new part, and needing to tie up loose ends. As well, while abroad, you have so many amazing things happening in your current moment but you look back to all of your friends and family who continue on with their lives without you present in the picture. Sometimes I wonder, would you have invited me to that concert too, or would I be sitting on the beach next to you? Thinking like this is silly though, and I try to remind myself to soak in every moment of the time abroad- because who knows if I will ever live in Brasil again.
It’s these thoughts as I look to once again apply for fellowships, but this time for masters funded programs- such as Marshall, Cambridge, Mitchell, and Rhodes. I ask myself where I would want to place myself for at least the next two years to complete a masters, and then I wonder if a doctorate degree is in my future. I’m taking the approach to throw everything at the wall and see what sticks, but it’s so nerve-wrecking to think about the future. The first time I heard the term “imposter syndrome”, I finally felt relieved to know that there is a defined term to explain what I’ve felt. Somedays, I stand beside my fellow Fulbright ETAs and wonder- how did I ever get chosen for this? I’m working alongside brilliant (beyond brilliant) graduates who have done everything short of save the world. Yes, I’ve had some accomplishments along the way, which I won’t deny, but it’s very intimidating still. Knowing that Fulbrighters just like them, who are equally as spectacular, applying for the same fellowships makes me so nervous. Some fellowships offer only forty positions each year. So, it’s me versus the super-genius overachiever, and I’m not sure if I would even have a chance. I won’t let that stop me though. Let the essay season begin.
Thursday, June 21, 2018
Wednesday, June 13, 2018
Rio de Janeiro Exploration- Beaches, Municipal Cathedral, Santa Teresa, Forts, and more
June 2nd morning we had a later start, a lazy breakfast, and took a walk along Ipanema beach to Aporador Rock, which is famous for its sunset view. It was a beautiful and sunny day and it had a great view of Ipanema and Copacabana beach down each side. We next took the Metro to Carioca and wandered to the Municipal Cathedral, which is shaped like a Mayan temple. The inside had beautiful stained glass along the four sloping walls, and the center podium had seating around three directions. Next, we walked past the aqueduct to the Lavradio Fair in Santa Teresa. The fair only happens the first Saturday of every month and draws in over 300 vendors. On a side street we saw a live Capoeira performance with music and a crowd gathered to watch the fluid movements of the dance fight.
On our way up the Seleran Stairs we bumped into some Fulbrighters from Gioana in town for the Rio de Janeiro marathon. The stairs were more crowded than I expected, but the tile work was colorful and beautiful. Evidently, the tiles are swapped out with next artwork every so often. Houses lined the infamous step staircase with residents trying to sell pictures imprinted on al materials. We continued on through the hilly Santa Teresa neighborhoods to the Parque das Ruinas. The old refurbished building was a lot more impressive than I expected, and the top of the third floor provided an amazing 360 degree panoramic view.
By one in the evening we headed back towards Copacabana beach, hoping to get in some sunny beach time, but the sun was setting in two-three hours. The water this day was even colder than the first, and I honestly enjoyed Ipanema Beach better than Copacabana- but both were breathtaking with the meeting of city, ocean, and mountains. We relaxed on the beach for an hour and then decided to walk to the end of the beach to the Duque das Caixas (a fort on the hillside). The fort closed at 4:30, and we went up at 4, so we only had a bit of time to admire the view looking down on the city, the Christ Redeemer in the distance, and Pao de Acucar. We walked back to the metro along Copacabana beach. The cobble stone roads, crashing waves, and hazy mountains around sunset were amazing.
That night for dinner, Jake picked a Portuguese restaurant. It looked like a market store out front, but then as you walked in it had bottles of wine lining the walls and about 12 tables arranged. We had bacalao fish, and a famous tradition sandwich with calabresa, filet mignon, eggs, and poutine fries. We looked around markets for cheap wine and chocolate, and Jake snuck my wine into the hostel for me.
On our way up the Seleran Stairs we bumped into some Fulbrighters from Gioana in town for the Rio de Janeiro marathon. The stairs were more crowded than I expected, but the tile work was colorful and beautiful. Evidently, the tiles are swapped out with next artwork every so often. Houses lined the infamous step staircase with residents trying to sell pictures imprinted on al materials. We continued on through the hilly Santa Teresa neighborhoods to the Parque das Ruinas. The old refurbished building was a lot more impressive than I expected, and the top of the third floor provided an amazing 360 degree panoramic view.
By one in the evening we headed back towards Copacabana beach, hoping to get in some sunny beach time, but the sun was setting in two-three hours. The water this day was even colder than the first, and I honestly enjoyed Ipanema Beach better than Copacabana- but both were breathtaking with the meeting of city, ocean, and mountains. We relaxed on the beach for an hour and then decided to walk to the end of the beach to the Duque das Caixas (a fort on the hillside). The fort closed at 4:30, and we went up at 4, so we only had a bit of time to admire the view looking down on the city, the Christ Redeemer in the distance, and Pao de Acucar. We walked back to the metro along Copacabana beach. The cobble stone roads, crashing waves, and hazy mountains around sunset were amazing.
That night for dinner, Jake picked a Portuguese restaurant. It looked like a market store out front, but then as you walked in it had bottles of wine lining the walls and about 12 tables arranged. We had bacalao fish, and a famous tradition sandwich with calabresa, filet mignon, eggs, and poutine fries. We looked around markets for cheap wine and chocolate, and Jake snuck my wine into the hostel for me.
To see my adventures, click here to watch this video:
Municipal Cathedral
Aqueduct
Municipal Cathedral
Santa Teresa market
Selaran Stairs
Selaran Stairs
Selaran Stairs
Parque das Ruinas
Duque das Caixas
Duque das Caixas
Copacabana Beach
Copacabana Beach
Rio de Janeiro- Sunrise Hike and Day 1
My Corpus Christi Holiday fell on the tailend of the greve- national strike with the truckers association, so I hoped that no delays would come to my flight… but they did. I left for the airport way too early, as I normally do, and got there at 9:40 am for a 11:55 am flight. My flight was delayed until 2 pm though, which made me miss my connecting flight in Sao Paulo to Rio de Janeiro. Alexa, a Fulbright from Apucarana, was also in the airport waiting for her flight and we hung out as we waited. I finally made it to Sao paulo, caught my adjusted flight to Rio, ubered from the airport to the metro station, and met up with Jake. We met at the municipal theatre, which Jake described as “Wizard of Ozy” with its green glow. We took the metro to the Ipanema neighborhood for our Pousada- Bonita. We went out to dinner with an America named Cesar, who was also staying at the Pousada. That night we spent drinking wine and talking to the bartender,and then booked an early excursion for a hike.
Jake and I woke up at 3:30 am the next morning, and met up with our hiking group in the lobby. This included a hippy guide named Gustavo, another guide, a Spaniard woman,and a Brazilian woman. We drove to a certain point in the Tijuca National Park and then hiked from there. We hiked up Pedra Bonita and has a stunning view of the major North and South zone beaches, Christ the Redeemer, and all of the city. We stayed there for about an hour as the sun peaked, and beside us was Pedra da Gávea. On the drive back we stopped at the viewpoints for Vista Chinesa and Mesa do Imperador, but the drive up through the national park was winding and on the hillside. The views were absolutely breathtaking.
We got back to the hostel and had a scant breakfast. There was no fresh fruit being served because of the greve. After, we walked three blocks to Ipanema Beach and spent an hour relaxing. I was surprised by just how many vendors come right up to you and try to sell you their hats, congas, drinks, food, toys and what not- and they even tried to sell to jake as he was sleeping. The beach water was colder than I expected, and similar to New Jersey water temperature, but the waves were much smaller (but I guess the temperature can be explained by the June Winter season).
To see the video of my adventures, click here:
Jake and I woke up at 3:30 am the next morning, and met up with our hiking group in the lobby. This included a hippy guide named Gustavo, another guide, a Spaniard woman,and a Brazilian woman. We drove to a certain point in the Tijuca National Park and then hiked from there. We hiked up Pedra Bonita and has a stunning view of the major North and South zone beaches, Christ the Redeemer, and all of the city. We stayed there for about an hour as the sun peaked, and beside us was Pedra da Gávea. On the drive back we stopped at the viewpoints for Vista Chinesa and Mesa do Imperador, but the drive up through the national park was winding and on the hillside. The views were absolutely breathtaking.
We got back to the hostel and had a scant breakfast. There was no fresh fruit being served because of the greve. After, we walked three blocks to Ipanema Beach and spent an hour relaxing. I was surprised by just how many vendors come right up to you and try to sell you their hats, congas, drinks, food, toys and what not- and they even tried to sell to jake as he was sleeping. The beach water was colder than I expected, and similar to New Jersey water temperature, but the waves were much smaller (but I guess the temperature can be explained by the June Winter season).
To see the video of my adventures, click here:
Pedra Bonita
Mesa do Imperador
Pedra Bonita
Pedra Bonita
Pedra Bonita
Vista Chinesa
Vista Chinesa
Ipanema Beach
Long Overdue Bonito Memories
It was a cold and long bus ride from Londrina to Campo Grande (9:30 pm- 7 am), which we then took an uber to the localiza in took to pick up our rental car! Thank goodness Lara knows how to drive manual cars, and she took the lead on that one. We ventured the 3.5 hours through the plain lands to Bonito in Mato Grosso do Sol and made it to Papaya Hostel. The first night we swam with fish at the Balneario Municipal, which had crystal blue water and a current that swept you down between the ladder entry points. That night we walked around the main portion of town and ate at a buffet style restaurants called Vovo, which is still my favorite Brazilian meal I’ve had here to date.
The next morning we were up nice and early, due to a mistake in the alarm setting, but chilled in the hammocks and saw the sunrise at 5:50 am. Our first excursion was Sao Mateus Gruta, which reminded me of Luray Caverns, in Virginia. Our tour guide, Cisero, was awesome and went between Portuguese and English for me. Our tour started in a house museum, and we made our way up to the third story to get fitted with helmets. From there, it was a walk across a swinging bridge, through the woods, and to the caverns.
Our next event that day was located at a resort called Nascente Azul, where we were served a lunch buffet and hung out by the ropes course over the water until it was our time for the group flutuacao. Our tour guide was rushed and very blunt, but successfully got us set up in our wetsuits. We practiced floating and snorkeling, then went to an area that you could pull yourself down the rope ten feet. Most of the river was only five feet deep at most, and I followed the fish around. We disembarked from the group tour and headed back to town, where we redeemed our free caipirinha coupon that night.
The next day we started early with the Estancia Mimosa waterfall tour. We checked in to the event, and I tried to spell out my name in Portuguese, which only ended with my name being Prettany for the day. As we waited to gear up, we hung out by the lake, which was resident to several Jacare- alligators. Once our tour started, we trekked out to the furthest waterfall first for about thirty minutes. There, we could swim out to and stand under the waterfall, but the current was really strong and they had ropes to pull yourself over. Next, we took a boat ride between the waterfalls, and piled into two paddle boats. This next waterfall had a cavern behind the waterfall and little coves to explore. As this event ended, we adventured to Boia tub crossing, which we passed and got lost. There were six of us on the tubing excursion, and they explained the directions in fast Portuguese. I expected a very calm float down the river, which was the opposite of what happened. What I didn’t understand in the explanation, is that they were preparing us for when we fell at the first waterfall, which they claimed was going to happen- and it did. We had to grab ropes to pull ourselves along the river and navigate small waterfalls. On the way back to the hostel, we had a cow block the road and stand there for a solid five minutes before moving- but even our yelling, honking, and mooing did not persuade him to move. We called this day our Jacare day, since we saw and ate Jacare in town that night!
We left Bonito the next morning, but decided to take an alternate back to Campo Grande. What we didn’t know is that this highway road was a single lane dirt road for 90 kilometers, with no visibility on hills and turns, and cars came barreling down it. We eventually made it to Aquidauana, known as the Portal of the Wetlands. We walked around by the church, Friendship Bridge, and local university. We made it back in time to return out rental car, but we were charged a cleaning fee. That day, everything was closed for the Holiday weekend, so we spent six hours in the mall. There, we met a family who gave us oranges and informed us that we couldn’t just eat chocolate. For a long weekend adventure, I think that we definitely took advantage of seeing a bunch and it was worth the long trip up. If I could go back, I would definitely also visit Lago Azul and Boca da Onca Waterfall.
The next morning we were up nice and early, due to a mistake in the alarm setting, but chilled in the hammocks and saw the sunrise at 5:50 am. Our first excursion was Sao Mateus Gruta, which reminded me of Luray Caverns, in Virginia. Our tour guide, Cisero, was awesome and went between Portuguese and English for me. Our tour started in a house museum, and we made our way up to the third story to get fitted with helmets. From there, it was a walk across a swinging bridge, through the woods, and to the caverns.
Our next event that day was located at a resort called Nascente Azul, where we were served a lunch buffet and hung out by the ropes course over the water until it was our time for the group flutuacao. Our tour guide was rushed and very blunt, but successfully got us set up in our wetsuits. We practiced floating and snorkeling, then went to an area that you could pull yourself down the rope ten feet. Most of the river was only five feet deep at most, and I followed the fish around. We disembarked from the group tour and headed back to town, where we redeemed our free caipirinha coupon that night.
The next day we started early with the Estancia Mimosa waterfall tour. We checked in to the event, and I tried to spell out my name in Portuguese, which only ended with my name being Prettany for the day. As we waited to gear up, we hung out by the lake, which was resident to several Jacare- alligators. Once our tour started, we trekked out to the furthest waterfall first for about thirty minutes. There, we could swim out to and stand under the waterfall, but the current was really strong and they had ropes to pull yourself over. Next, we took a boat ride between the waterfalls, and piled into two paddle boats. This next waterfall had a cavern behind the waterfall and little coves to explore. As this event ended, we adventured to Boia tub crossing, which we passed and got lost. There were six of us on the tubing excursion, and they explained the directions in fast Portuguese. I expected a very calm float down the river, which was the opposite of what happened. What I didn’t understand in the explanation, is that they were preparing us for when we fell at the first waterfall, which they claimed was going to happen- and it did. We had to grab ropes to pull ourselves along the river and navigate small waterfalls. On the way back to the hostel, we had a cow block the road and stand there for a solid five minutes before moving- but even our yelling, honking, and mooing did not persuade him to move. We called this day our Jacare day, since we saw and ate Jacare in town that night!
We left Bonito the next morning, but decided to take an alternate back to Campo Grande. What we didn’t know is that this highway road was a single lane dirt road for 90 kilometers, with no visibility on hills and turns, and cars came barreling down it. We eventually made it to Aquidauana, known as the Portal of the Wetlands. We walked around by the church, Friendship Bridge, and local university. We made it back in time to return out rental car, but we were charged a cleaning fee. That day, everything was closed for the Holiday weekend, so we spent six hours in the mall. There, we met a family who gave us oranges and informed us that we couldn’t just eat chocolate. For a long weekend adventure, I think that we definitely took advantage of seeing a bunch and it was worth the long trip up. If I could go back, I would definitely also visit Lago Azul and Boca da Onca Waterfall.
Our rental car for the weekend
Sao Mateus Gruta
Sao Mateus Gruta
Sao Mateus Gruta
Nascente Azul lounge area
Estancia Mimosa
Estancia Mimosa
Estancia Mimosa
Estancia Mimosa
Estancia Mimosa
Estancia Mimosa
The long unpaved dangerous ride back
Aquidauana- Port to the Pantanal
Aquidauana Friendship Bridge
Aquidauana Cathedral
A Very Honest Poem to Organize Thoughts
Not everyday is wonderful while living abroad. You're away from your family and friends, you experience culture shock, and throw in immersion for a real kicker of a challenge. I used to write poetry more frequently when I was younger, and it's one of the things that inspired me to pursue and English major. Yes, living abroad can be hard- especially if you have anxiety and depression, but it's manageable. This post is not a cry for help, nor complaining, but simply rather just the very honest portraying of some of my thoughts one night that I jotted down. :)
Small truths about me-
I'm a sweets girl.
I'll take sweet over savory anyday.
Moving around as I have has made me unattached in a way.
I get restless if I stay in an area
for too long,
Which is partially how I wound up in another hemisphere,
Again.
I prefer paper books to electronics-
the antiquated manner English majors prefer.
I am a hopeless romantic through and through.
When the rain pours, I do hope for a passionate kiss.
I crave being pulled in for a slow dance with no music.
I look forward to hugs when I can nuzzle my head into a chest.
I prefer hugs over kisses-
The feeling of being wrapped up and feeling safe.
Waking up and a shy good morning smile
from the guy I like is one of my favorite
Moment of the day.
I'm a restless sleeper, and crave the comfort of being held as I sleep,
but know I can't.
But just a hand reached over and touching me
keeps me at peace.
Living in the heat of Brazil helped me to overcome my anxiety
of sleeping without a blanket.
It took 9 years,
but the Brazilian heat broke me
for the better .
Writing, normally a form of stress relief,
turned into a stress producer this year.
I worry about the future too much,
And while Brazil has helped to shed
a bit of the tranquilo attitude on me,
I still worry about rejections this coming year.
Until this year, I thought I wanted
and needed to settle down.
I thought that by 25 I wanted to buy a house,
start a family,
and have a stable job,
but now I can't imagine this timeline.
Fulbright has given me hope for
winning more fellowships
and furthering my education,
but everyday I remind myself that
it's ok to work for a year or pursue a different opportunity
if things don't work out as planned.
Everyday my goals for what I want
to do and how I want to change
the world- morph.
I just hope that something
advantageous comes from these goals.
Somedays in Brazil I surprise myself and hold
down my depression and anxiety to the point
that you might know they affect me.
Other days, I curl up in my bed, avoiding
the language, stress, and people.
Somedays, I'm so sick of hearing Portuguese.
Somedays, I want to be back in the country
I know so well how to navigate.
Most days though, I babble
On with English thoughts
in my head and
a botched Portuguese conversation aloud.
The sunrise reflecting off
the city buildings keeps me grounded.
Every morning I wait for
the pink clouds and I mentally
remind myself of reasons to feel lucky.
I count them off in my head everyday.
I've never been an easy girl to understand.
I say one thing and mean another.
I'm the cliche-
I get mad over simple things,
realize the ridiculousness,
but fear apologizing.
I get mad, and sad, and I cry too much
I cry when I'm sad
I cry when I'm happy
My body just leaks
whenever it's emotional-
Which scares people
I try to stay grounded, but sometimes
communicating seems impossible.
Especially when my language
barrier sets me back to being 5 years old.
The prestige of a Fulbright fellow,
but the day to day feeling
of a struggling girl just trying to make it through
one conversation after another until the day is over
Then repeat.
But smile as I wait
For the pink glimmer on the glass.
Small truths about me-
I'm a sweets girl.
I'll take sweet over savory anyday.
Moving around as I have has made me unattached in a way.
I get restless if I stay in an area
for too long,
Which is partially how I wound up in another hemisphere,
Again.
I prefer paper books to electronics-
the antiquated manner English majors prefer.
I am a hopeless romantic through and through.
When the rain pours, I do hope for a passionate kiss.
I crave being pulled in for a slow dance with no music.
I look forward to hugs when I can nuzzle my head into a chest.
I prefer hugs over kisses-
The feeling of being wrapped up and feeling safe.
Waking up and a shy good morning smile
from the guy I like is one of my favorite
Moment of the day.
I'm a restless sleeper, and crave the comfort of being held as I sleep,
but know I can't.
But just a hand reached over and touching me
keeps me at peace.
Living in the heat of Brazil helped me to overcome my anxiety
of sleeping without a blanket.
It took 9 years,
but the Brazilian heat broke me
for the better .
Writing, normally a form of stress relief,
turned into a stress producer this year.
I worry about the future too much,
And while Brazil has helped to shed
a bit of the tranquilo attitude on me,
I still worry about rejections this coming year.
Until this year, I thought I wanted
and needed to settle down.
I thought that by 25 I wanted to buy a house,
start a family,
and have a stable job,
but now I can't imagine this timeline.
Fulbright has given me hope for
winning more fellowships
and furthering my education,
but everyday I remind myself that
it's ok to work for a year or pursue a different opportunity
if things don't work out as planned.
Everyday my goals for what I want
to do and how I want to change
the world- morph.
I just hope that something
advantageous comes from these goals.
Somedays in Brazil I surprise myself and hold
down my depression and anxiety to the point
that you might know they affect me.
Other days, I curl up in my bed, avoiding
the language, stress, and people.
Somedays, I'm so sick of hearing Portuguese.
Somedays, I want to be back in the country
I know so well how to navigate.
Most days though, I babble
On with English thoughts
in my head and
a botched Portuguese conversation aloud.
The sunrise reflecting off
the city buildings keeps me grounded.
Every morning I wait for
the pink clouds and I mentally
remind myself of reasons to feel lucky.
I count them off in my head everyday.
I've never been an easy girl to understand.
I say one thing and mean another.
I'm the cliche-
I get mad over simple things,
realize the ridiculousness,
but fear apologizing.
I get mad, and sad, and I cry too much
I cry when I'm sad
I cry when I'm happy
My body just leaks
whenever it's emotional-
Which scares people
I try to stay grounded, but sometimes
communicating seems impossible.
Especially when my language
barrier sets me back to being 5 years old.
The prestige of a Fulbright fellow,
but the day to day feeling
of a struggling girl just trying to make it through
one conversation after another until the day is over
Then repeat.
But smile as I wait
For the pink glimmer on the glass.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Presenting At ConectaIFB, Diplomatic Meeting, and EdUSA Fair
Such a big and tiring day. Amanda (my co-worker) and I met up with professor Fabricio at the metro station at 9 am, and because of traffic w...
-
Some things vary between the USA and Brasil, but nothing is as different as the Social Security number, called CPF in Brasil. In the USA, I... -
Such a big and tiring day. Amanda (my co-worker) and I met up with professor Fabricio at the metro station at 9 am, and because of traffic w... -
The Science, Art, and Culture conference week takes up the last week of the fall semester at IFB. Students from all disciplines at our univ...